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princess__bitch

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I like it, I'm not gonna crack. I miss you, I'm not gonna crack.

I love you, I'm not gonna crack. I kill you, I'm not gonna craaaaaack.

Created on 2002-10-08 18:07:20 (#733235), last updated 2007-04-08

1,455 comments received, 4,127 comments posted

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210 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 37 Memories, 100+ ScrapBook Files, 0 Virtual Gifts, 5 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	Shanna: If I die tomorrow would you miss me today?
Birthdate:	1988-02-28
Location:	Houston, Texas, United States
Website:	my myspace

Bio

I need to update this... but not today. Most of this has changed.

My journal is mostly friends only. Comment and I might add you.

Let's start this off with a poem. I write poetry A LOT.

Love.
What a joke.
Heart ache,
Heart break.
And it's gone,
As quickly as it came.

Love.
What a joke.
Sucks you in,
Leaves you broken,
Leaves you crying,
Leaves you empty.

Love.
What a joke.
I love them,
They say they love me.
They hurt me,
And leave me emotionless.

Love.
What a joke.
Stay away from it,
It's deadly.
It makes you weak,
And rips out your heart.

Love.
What a joke.
You need it to live,
Without it,
You can't survive,
On your own.

Love.
What a joke.
Get it when it comes,
And keep it as long as you can.
I hope you find the one for you,
And they think you are the one for them.

And now about me.

Well. My name is Shanna. I live in Houston, Texas and I have ever since I was about 2 years old when my parents and moved here from Los Angeles, California. Just so ignorant people know, Texas is not some hick place where people ride horses and it's mostly desert scrub with tumble weeds. If you think that, you've been watching too many western movies. Hah. Actually, it's really hot and humid in Houston and we get A LOT of rain. It would be green and grassy and pretty nice if not for all of the pollution and our obsession with making everything bigger so we destroy the natural habitat of animals and what really keeps the world going. But oh well. Granted, there are places in Texas where it's all country land and people do speak with southern accents, but most young people don't have much of an accent. And I sure as hell don't have one. People have even said to me that they would never have thought that I live in Texas. Anyway... Moving along.

I was in a nice long relationship (that went no where) with a guy named Alex Cortelyou

hotcomputergeek. Man. Love is blind. My first love. And he ripped out my heart and stomped on it in my face. He did the fucking Mexican hat dance on the damned thing. I hope he dies lonely and miserable. If you want to know anything about that, leave me a message in my journal with your AIM screen name and I'll talk to you some time about it. That is, if you really want to know.

My family life is fucked to hell right now. My parents hate each other, but are trying to work things out. It really isn't doing much good. But ever since my mother decided to try and work things out with my father, things have been rough between my mom and me. We were almost like best friends for a while, but things changed. I think it's because I resent the fact that she is going to put herself and my brother through so much pain and suffering because she is scared to death of leaving my father. My brother hates me and beats up on me because he hates my dad. And he's 2 and a half years younger than I am! It's sad really. But that's life. Or mine at least. And my dad doesn't really like me. We fight a lot. I have thought of becoming emancipated from my family, but then I have to go through so much shit on my own. I think I can handle 3 more years... at least I hope I can.

I'm now a sophomore at Stratford High School. I'm very active in theatre and I'm on colour-guard this year. Yes, flag twirling. Part of the marching band. New band geek. Hah. My school breaks that rule. There are so many band geeks that are thespians and so many band geeks and thespians that are best friends. ^_^ I do love my school. No matter how strange it is to me concidering I didn't grow up with these people. Most of the people there make me feel loved, though it's more because they feel obligated to do so since I am so nice and sweet. At least they pretend. *shrugs*

I am really into music- all kinds of music. Music is my life. I'm REALLY into heavy metal and hard rock plus soft rock, some pop, and country love songs. Pretty much a little bit of everything.

I hate when people are hateful to one another. That seems to be the subject of a lot of my poems lately. I was teased a lot growing up. Maybe that's why I can be really distant. It's also probably why I'm so nice to everyone. All you have to do is smile at someone and say "hello", maybe even a hug. It can make someone's day and keep them from making a big mistake. Because of my "be kind to everyone no matter how hostile they can be" attitude, I'm a push-over. More so than a lot of people. I get walked all over time after time. Sometimes I blow up and get very angry, but as soon as 2 words come out of my mouth I feel so bad, but I can't stop until I get so much out. And when I'm done bitching over whatever it is, I'm so sorrowful toward the person, even if they did diserve to be yelled at. I love people. For some odd reason. And I'm one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.

Sometimes I want to kill myself. But I do have a couple of friends that keep me from doing it. Number one person is probably Holly. Holly is someone I think knows me the best. We connect on like almost a spiritual level. She is one of the best friends a person could ever have. She is one of the few people that truly make me feel loved, not expecting something in return. I love her so much. I know she's always there if I need her. And I'm always here for her if she needs someone to talk to.
Another is Thiagu. He always makes me laugh about stupid things. He's an awesome friend. I think I'm starting to like him like him. Not good. But that's okay. He's the only guy I know I can just talk to about anything. I love having a guy as one of my best friends. I don't know what I can say about him. He's just the most awesome guy I know. ^_^
And then there is Linh. She tries so hard to understand. She tries so hard to be there for me and I love her for it. She's really sweet and can help me have fun when I'm down. Sometimes she just has to laugh at my stupidity and, of course, it's in those little times where I really need to laugh at myself to feel better.

I try to be happy. I act happy for others around me, because happiness seems to rub off on other people. But from now on I am not going to fake my feelings. It's not fair to me or people around me. I'm just going to be myself and not worry what others think. I'll be as kind and sweet as ever and try and make others happy, but I want to be true to myself from this day forward. *soft, half-forced smile*

My life goal is to go to medical school to become a pediatrician, but I would adore being an actress. I love theatre. I love being up on stage. I can't get enough of that sort of attention. When they want to know what I'm going to say next. When they care what I'm doing. I want to be on Broadway! That would be a dream come true! Or it would be fun to be a singer in a band-put my poetry into song, music, you know? So many hopes. The one that I will work hardest for is life as a children's doctor, and a close second is to make it as an actress. Heh. And I want to get some of my poetry published one day... maybe. *half smile*

I adore Kurt Cobain (as you may be able to see by my journal). He was such an awesome song writer. It really...expresses himself, how he was when he was young, how I feel sometimes. Wow. You have no idea. And I'm one of those people who doesn't think he commited suicide, but I don't want to argue about it. I must also say that I idolize just about ever person that works so hard to do what they want to do in life. If you follow your dreams to the fullest and do what you want to do, then I think you are amazing!

I'm a Days Of Our Lives junkie and want to marry Jason Cook, the guy that plays "Shawn D. Brady" on that soap opera. lol. That is kind of a joke, but I do have a major "celeb crush" on him.

*Don't cry for me. My spirit died too long ago to even remember.*

OH YEAH! My name is pronounced Sh-ah (as in how the you say the letter "a" in French or just "ahhh" in a sound of relief or something)-nn-ah. (heehee. I just had to say that because when people say it where the first "a" sounds like "an apple" or something, it bothers me. lol. And I think that's all I was going to say about that. Oooh! And I'm a vegetarian! :) Okay then. Sorry it's so long. :\

24 June, 2003
(And I can change this whenever I feel it to be necessary)